Make a Difference:
Give a Shit!
by Van Davis
Now before you get mad at the word, remember ... "shit" is the first dirty word any toddler learns, so forget your outrage at my language and join my outrage at the system. Read on and learn how you too can leave a special "present" at the fast food establishment of your choice...
Did you know that McDonalds is one of the largest welfare recipients in the Untied States? The golden arches, as well as Kentucky Taco Hut and the cholesterol-stricken fat guy Dave, enjoy considerable benefits. Tax breaks and government handouts bolster these corporate hogs and yet they give very little back to the communities in which the individual slop-houses are located.
Anyone who has worked at one of these grease stops knows that the pay is piffilous and the conditions are uncomfortable at best. But hey - lots of jobs suck! But that is just the tip of the iceberg. For a full laundry list of the sins of Ronald and Wendy, check out the website for the folks at McSpotlight, who got a judge in stuffy mother England to rule that fast food stinks.
He agreed that McDonald's food was high in fat, sugar and salt, and low in fibre, vitamins and minerals. Furthermore, "there is a considerable amount of evidence to suggest that many of the diseases which are more common in the Western, affluent world - diseases such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes and some forms of cancer - are related to diet."
Not only that, but in the last 100 years corporations like these have ruthlessly exploited natural resources all around the world, inflicting damage on forests and other eco-systems, reducing biodiversity, causing land, sea and air pollution and even adversely affecting the global climate. The rainforests come down to make room for belching, farting bovines and the pine forests become the box for the fries and then hit the landfill.
Mad enough yet? Well, next you should remember that these companies advertise their harmful products to children. Target the innocent. Tie in to the latest animated film and get the kids in to eat the sugary, fattening and harmful food. Hey... if I had a billion dollars I could convince folks my cooking was good too!
Wendy's pulled their ads from the Ellen show when she came out, Denny's refuses to serve black folks and Pizza slut allows bigoted comments about customers in their computer records.
But I have a solution!
Don't give these obnoxious monstrosities your money. Give 'em shit! That's right! Pull into your least favorite fast phood establishment and drop your daks! Use the restroom and leave them a special package! I do!!
There is always pleanty of TP and the facilities are always insanely clean. It is the perfect environment to really let fly! Bring a book and set a spell. Refine your technique. Write a letter to mom. Settle in for a while. Learn to fart "You Deserve a Break Today" to entertain the other folks who wander in. Make a new friend!
Somehow it really makes sense to take a dump at a fast food restaurant. They crank out tray after tray of their pre-processed gunk, not unlike my intestines! Yes... everything seems to work more smoothly at such an establishment.
I never spend a dime at these places, but I always "drop in" and give them a piece of my mind! I give a shit!
If you do, then join the Give a Shit Campaign at a fast food establishment today. It's free, it's easy and it feels really good too!
Hey you corporate CEOs.... I have a coprolite for you! And a message. Eat this!
What Do YOU Think?